The notepad that sits on my desk reads “you can’t scare me, I have children.” I love it, not just because I enjoy a good laugh or because I have a weakness for kitsch, but because it’s an important reminder of how parenthood requires fearlessness, humility, humor, and trust in our instincts. Unfortunately, as a new parent we’re often so focused on “getting it right” that we start to lose our own, most valuable asset, our instinct.

One of the more unwelcome gifts we receive when we have a baby is often unsolicited advice. It’s always well meaning but usually causes a new parent to doubt every natural instinct that they have. “Let your baby cry,” “Don’t let your baby cry,” “Sleep with your baby”,” Don’t sleep with your baby”. It’s enough to make any rational adult lose it. Even before I had my first baby I had difficulty conceiving and boy oh boy did I get unsolicited advice. My favorite was “you just need to relax” which often had the opposite effect. Or when a newly pregnant acquaintance would refer to themselves as “fertile myrtle” I would find myself having very untoward thoughts. I’m not proud of those thoughts but eventually I did realize that I needed to shut out the unsolicited external commentary and follow my own inner compass.

The same thing happened with breastfeeding for me. Everybody raved about how beautiful and natural, important and essential breastfeeding was, but nobody – and I took many classes – ever told me that it’s not always that EASY! It’s like this dirty little secret that you don’t discover until it’s 3am and your newborn is crying and your breasts are hot, lumpy and throbbing and you can’t seem to relieve either problem. And the worst part about the whole experience is that you feel a bit like a failure. “This isn’t like the video I saw in class,” I remember thinking to myself as my milk leaked over my baby’s face and onto my sheets but I’ll be damned if that nipple could actually get into her mouth. I’m not feeling relaxed! Where’s the soothing music as I gently rock my beautiful newborn and nurse her with my perfectly coiffed hair? It just seemed cruel. I kept thinking about how wonderful everybody described the experience and then put added pressure on myself because wonderful was not anywhere near the top of my list of adjectives. When I eventually pulled myself out of the rabbit hole, turned off the expectations tape playing in my head, and-yes-sought help from a Lactation Consultant, things began to drastically improve.

I’m recounting this story not to pitch my services but just to emphasize that your experience with your baby is just that, yours. Moreover, your decisions to breastfeed are for you and your baby and you should never feel judged for how, when, how long, or any other breastfeeding decision you make. My professional services and my knowledge base are meant to complement your individual parenting experience and instincts.

So embrace the adventure, trust yourself, and try not to be afraid of some challenges that you may not have seen coming. Or, to paraphrase a wise old notepad, you can’t be scared now–you have children.